I make this list every year in February; I'm a little late this year - obviously! February and March seriously flew by and I lost track of myself... No excuses; I'm seriously just losing my marbles. This also may just turn into a list of insecurities or questions, or who even knows. By #25 I might be sharing some of my inner-most secrets. Don't count on that one ;)
1. I am afraid to switch jobs. I want to; even though I absolutely love my coworkers, I just can't make that trip every day anymore and since they fired our principal, shit has pretty much hit the fan and I can't stand all the changes they made. No thank you - I need a change.
2. Piggy-backing number one: dealing with resumes and applications etc. etc. etc. is really taxing I almost don't even want to do it. It's really intimidating and it's like I don't want to mess up a "good" thing (that I have a job now) and start from scratch somewhere new and have that whole "new person" feeling of inadequacy... Who knows, it may not even happen this year so we'll see.
3. Am I the only one who barely finds time to do the things she has to do? Let alone things I would like to do? (as I sit here and type a blog...) Like, deep clean or decorate for holidays, or cook decadent meals even though I don't even like to cook, or just sit and watch TV without worrying that I have these essays I have to grade from January - don't judge me.
4. I am actually kinda freaking out about the temper tantrums that my daughter throws. I'm not sure if it's normal for an almost 10 month old to be having these types of tantrums. Sometimes it's just a fist pound or foot stomp or something like a kick.... and sometimes. sometimes it's full out Exorcist and this kid arches her back and screams fit to beat Jesus... I guess what I need to know is if it's normal or not??
5. I'll do this one early so you can forget about it by the end... the anniversary of Rocky's death is nearing. April 5. I am hoping it passes by without my noticing. I'm pretty sure Mark and I won't mention it to each other. Too painful. I'm seriously mad. I'm so mad it brings me to tears. and I just miss him.
6. We are watching Discovery's Frozen Planet - I love ALL of these shows. We watched Life and a few other of the same sort of things a few years ago. Lucy love, love, loves to watch the animals. But, Mark and I talked and no animals yet up in here. Maybe after baby number 2 - whenever that is!!!!
7. No, baby number two is not on it's way. Nor is it close to being so. I seriously want more kids but Lucy was so, so easy (not rubbing it in) that I am seriously terrified to have another one. Who knows how it's demeanor will be. No chance that we can have another as easy as Lucy girl. Right??
8. I was watching Bethany Ever After and I seriously feel like I am as crazy as that bitch. But I really love her. She was talking about the skating rink and I seriously went back in time to, like, fourth grade and the skate rink that we used to go to all the time. Friday nights - we were skating. Pizza and 90s music. The absolute perfect combo for elementary school students. I can't believe it's been 20 years since that time. Insane.
9. Speaking of years... it's my 10 year high school reunion. Don't know if anyone is doing something - I've heard rumors. I will not help plan, but I'll show up. IF other fun people show up; people I actually want to see. I wouldn't go if no one I was friends with in high school went.
10. Planning a 1st birthday party is stressful and I don't even know where to start. I found invites that I love and I am going to go ahead and base all colors off of it. And the cupcakes, too! It's going to be great! :) I can't believe Lucy will be 1. Holy shit. I literally feel like I just popped her out.
11. Speaking of a year ago in June, it's no secret that I hated being pregnant; however, remembering those dreadful four days in the hospital I find myself in a state of sweet nostalgia. I can remember the smell of the hospital - very distinctly. I can remember the whole day before having her and everything Mark and I and all my visitors did and talked about. I can remember the few hours before having her, actually birthing her, and spending time with Mark after. I remember seeing everyone's reactions to seeing her for the first time; I remember moving to the newborn wing, every nurse visit, every bathroom trip, every look I snuck of Lucy, every look I snuck of Mark.... and I miss those four days.
12. Instagram is awesome. I want to instagram every picture I take.
13. Tonight, Mark was home from work and it was like a dream not having to do absolutely everything by myself. Amazing. And my little night-owl hubby grilled dinner (fancy schmancy hot dogs!) and then changed our oil and after I went to bed. After 10PM. It was pitch black dark outside. And my husband washed my car and vacuumed it out. What tha!?
14. Why is it that music just sounds that much better when the sun is shining and the windows are down? I just have to blare it and sing at the top of my lungs. It's awesome. But, why?
15. I envy the mother who can take a picture of her child without said child FLIPPING OUT mid-flash... I would like to get a picture of my child not in the tub, or car seat or high chair or blurred because she's flailing around like a seizing hyena... but the kid just won't sit still!!! Also, I don't know why I chose hyena... it just seemed right? Welcome to my mind...
16. Still taking my crazy pills. Seriously makes a difference in my mood. I can actually tell that there is a difference. I don't feel like my chest is going to explode, and when I forget to take them, I get angrier faster.
17. Am I the only woman/wife/mother who hates to clean? I never went through a "nesting" phase when I was pregnant and I am not about "spring cleaning". I feel like I am the worst woman/wife/mother on earth because I don't care to scrub shit before Lucy touches it, or vacuum something before she sits there, or mop every day to prevent a sticky kitchen floor, or dust once a month...
18. I should have made an addendum to my post from the other day. The seahorse only takes one or two times through - that's true. But what I didn't put is that I'm holding her the whole time. I could easily put her down and let her put herself to sleep (you know, sleep training and all that) but she's sleep trained enough and I don't see her enough so dammit I'm holding her until she falls asleep. Of course, she always wakes up again after I lay her down but she cries for a bit and goes right back to sleep.
19. It's taken me four days to do this list...
20. I am emotionally unstable. I've written about it before but I can loose it at the drop of a dime. It's not because I'm sad or depressed; I mostly do it when I am touched. Colton on American Idol made me do it tonight... Ellen makes me do it daily - she just has such a kind heart and telling people to be kind to one another is such a simple message but so deep and meaningful at the same time. I guess being a mama I find myself more emotional about simple things.
21. Mark gave me a leg massage this week. It wasn't really a "massage" per say, however, it felt amazing. I haven't done anything grueling or even physical lately, but Lucy's killing me - she's 25lbs and a flailing maniac, and I'm up on my feet the majority of the day! Anyway, I don't have to make excuses; I asked Mark to rub my legs and rub my legs he did. Thank the Lord.
22. I've deemed spring break as my creative week. I'm not very creative but I have to prepare for the 1st birthday that is quickly approaching. I have gained a lot of ideas from Pinterest - what would we do without it? and have scoured Etsy for wants and needs and have-to-haves! We are also doing some odds and ends around the house - a party is a great excuse to get things done!! :)
23. Have I mentioned that I am seriously so sad that my baby is turning 1 in just two short months!?!?!? I can't even believe it!!!! How did this year go by so quickly? :( Mark sent me a picture of Lucy today and she just looked like a little girl. Unbelievable.
24. I hold my pee at work for entirely too long. TMI? Thought so.
25. Running out of things to say - and time to say them in and I just want to post this dang blog!!!! So, I'll say if you have any EASY (fast+5 or so ingredients) recipes that you dig, send um over!!! I need to spice up our dinner times. The less chicken ones you send the better - we need seafood, beef, pork, etc. :)
I looked back on the previous three years and WOW is this year's different. I really think it's hilarious how the factoids change a little each year - no secret why this year's is so different :) Oh, miss Lucy.
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