Snark Blog

A friend remarked to me that they were disappointed that my blog wasn't a "snark" blog - as I would be the perfect "snark" blogger.  For those of you who, like me, don't know what "snark" is, urbandictionary.com defines "snark" as a noun, combination of "snide" and "remark"; sarcastic comment(s); also snarky (adj.) and snarkily (adv.)


So, here is my attempt on a "snark" entry.
I have a problem, and I've always had a problem with people who work in retail.  If I met you outside of the store, I'd probably be ok with you.  But, the fact that you work in retail makes me immediately want to punch you in the face.  You are either going to be overly friendly and completely annoying, or you are going to be a dick.  My advice: do. not. work. in. retail. if. you. are. an. asshole.  Your attitude is getting you absolutely nowhere.  Also, if I don't ask for your help, I don't want it - just be available.  If I wanted your help, I'd ask for it!  Which brings me to my final bit of advice: BE AVAILABLE.  WHYYYYY do I always find myself asking, "does anyone work here!?" ?  Just because I don't need your help as I'm walking through the door doesn't mean I won't have a question a little later on in my shopping experience.  On that same note, don't hover.  I can guarantee I won't buy an effing thing if you follow me around or stare at me from afar.  What is the matter with you?


THIS IS HOW I WANT MY SHOPPING EXPERIENCE TO HAPPEN:
I walk into store.  
Clerk greets me with a smile and says (please take note at the specific wording of the greeting): "Let me know if I can help you with anything."  Do not say, "what can I get you today", or "can I help you with anything?"  I'm pretty sure if I'm coming in, I know what I want and if I don't, I'LL ASK YOU.  
After the appropriate greeting, you leave me alone until I look like I need help, then hover for a second. A second.  And if I don't ask for help, go. away.  
If I ask for help, give me suggestions, KNOW what you're talking about, ok?  Dumbass...
When I leave tell me to have a nice day.
I'm a nice person and I'll be nice if you act in the appropriate way.  If you don't, beware.


Biggest culprits:
Furniture stores (duh - they work on commission)
Bath and Body Works - they are the smile-too-much-uppity bunch (FYI I'd rather you be an ass and leave 
                       me alone than be bubbly... makes me want to punch you even more...)
and
Clothing places such as: American Eagle, Gap, Abercrombie, Express, etc...